Today, for the first time in a long while, I was the one having a short medical procedure to try and better understand some issues with my throat and stomach - I would guess stress related but I'm not a doctor. Anyway, things went well but as I went back to get ready it felt so strange to be the one in the hospital bed and to know that Josh wouldn't be out there waiting on me. I wouldn't wake up to see him. And that, I needed another person to list as an emergency contact. (Shout-out to my amazing friend Alicia, who drove hours to be with me and be that person for today.)
With my mind so packed with thoughts and feelings in this season, I often wonder what's happening in my subconscious. Today, I found out that when in a drowsy stupor, I think about birds and dinosaurs - velociraptors to be exact. I, of course, don't remember talking about any of this but it was apparently entertaining.
Going in I was worried about what I would say. Would I wake up sad or ask about Josh? That could tricky if so? Thankfully, it was more lighthearted.
Even as my somewhat drowsy day wore on, my sorrow a tad blurred, I still wished Josh could have been the one in the room checking on me, hugging me and laughing at my bird dialogue. Yet I am still thankful for friends to fill in these gaps in life as I continue on.
Having to come up with emergency contacts means leaning on friends and family in new, unexpected ways. This is yet another part of the grieving on process that I experienced today - for the first time.
I am so thankful for friends and family who are walking this process with me in many new ways.
Hi! It's Jenn Brown, writing my story that is now slightly different as we enter a season of new grief. On September 30, 2019, my dear husband Josh passed away after battling brain cancer.