The Instability of Grief
I could blame today’s emotions on the changing weather, not enough sleep, a bit of work drama but ultimately at root it is just grief.
I recently read a list of “symptoms of grief” when I was just researching the topic (for fun?) - what I realized in the process is that I am actually experiencing all of the symptoms. There is no doubt I am in it, in the thick of it. At the month and a half mark since Josh passed away, and over seven months into this season of great change and hard stuff, I am still a mess often.
Not wanting to wallow in but also wanting to face it honestly while still trying to sense of it. I fight to try to understand it somehow yet I might not ever. This is part of our natural human instinct to try to solve a problem and survive. This effort carries over to my faith journey too. Part of faith is continuing to run the race, as referenced in Hebrews 12:1, but as I told a few people this week, it’s hard to really run the race if you have a broken leg or rather had a recent heart surgery.
My wound is not visible which makes it all the more complex but does make it hard to really rush full-speed ahead. Only a few hours into my random Thursday and it’s been a doozy. I am moving forward like a sloth while clinging to God’s truth - this time a verse found in Nahum 1:7.
The Lord is good,
A stronghold in the day of trouble,
And He knows those who take refuge in Him.
Reference: The Five Stages of Grief
This is an interesting article and as always all the aspects of grief and how people walk through are super complex and debatable.
11/14/2019 09:57:06 am
I am sure you will have a Grief Share at your congregation around the holidays. It's a 6 wk course (ours is) and it helps. Individuals like you that are facing loss. Sharing with each other. You may not be ready for it yet. Love you.
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Hi! It's Jenn Brown, writing my story that is now slightly different as we enter a season of new grief. On September 30, 2019, my dear husband Josh passed away after battling brain cancer.