“ Do you have trouble relaxing?” was the question posed by the massage therapist. My answer, “It’s been a hard few months.” Guess that really is quite the understatement but was the easiest answer in that moment. My sister-in-law Julie and I decided to treat ourselves to massages while in Phoenix and it was very nice and needed. I was VERY tense. It could be the driving and traveling, of course, but could be like six months of built up tension, plus...
I tried hard to relax during that time and again later as we hung out poolside in the most wonderful cabana chairs. It was a great vacation resort - felt like paradise. But it couldn’t be.
In this ideal setting, with no agenda, I soon found myself creating my own tiny pool behind my sunglasses. How can I enjoy this glimmer of paradise without Josh? Would I ever feel like I was in “paradise” without my favorite person to share it with? Ugh! This is frustrating.
It’s these thoughts that make it hard to relax as I return to them often. I know in my mind there are a lot of great things to do, see and even celebrate but my heart is still negotiating. I expect it will continue to for a while.
This is the time for God’s supernatural peace - peace that passes all understanding. This peace isn’t just so I can relax on vacation or elsewhere but it is a peace that I need to face each new day. God knows it. I know it.
“And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” - Philippians 4:7 NASB
Hi! It's Jenn Brown, writing my story that is now slightly different as we enter a season of new grief. On September 30, 2019, my dear husband Josh passed away after battling brain cancer.