Three decades ago, in 1999, I flew off on an adventure to California. I had taken a job based in LA for a year.
Josh took me to the Springfield airport, we hugged, kissed and said goodbye. It was sad and exciting. Of course, as soon as the plane backed away and I could no longer see Josh, I cried. (This was long ago when you could still see your loved one waving at you from the gate.)
That year was a tough goodbye and an interesting year of traveling the US. Ultimately, it was a pivotal point in our relationship. During our time apart our relationship deepen, we learned to communicate better and grew in our individual relationships with God. When I came back, I knew for sure I wanted to marry Josh.
Since then, we’ve shared in many adventures together, spent many hours in airports. We became really efficient at packing and airport security. Walking through the line today, I missed my travel buddy. And for the first time in 30 years, my eyes filled with tears as the plane hit the air. I missed the fact that Josh wasn’t with me and he also wasn’t at home waiting to pick me up after this solo adventure.
I know Josh wouldn’t be surprise that my adventuresome spirit lives on and that I am actually going to California for this decade change. But I hate that he is not on this trip too.
Looking out on the horizon, I can’t help but ask the question of myself, “If I could have seen what would have happen in 2019 back in 1999, would I have changed anything?”
Here and now I say, “Of course not!” Despite the heartache of 2019, I have loved our time together, our adventures, trips to and from the west coast around the world and more. 2019 has also been a beautiful year of friendship, community and encouragement in the midst of a lot of hard.
I am sad today as I continue to accept the fact that our (Josh & Jenn) adventures together on earth are over. Focusing my vision on 2020 I cling to hope because I have more to do, to see as #jennbrownadventures continue in a new way.
Here’s to 2020!!
A year that I expect will be both sad and maybe even a little exciting.
Below are just a few highlights from 2019.
Hi! It's Jenn Brown, writing my story that is now slightly different as we enter a season of new grief. On September 30, 2019, my dear husband Josh passed away after battling brain cancer.