I awoke in Sedona to the most beautiful camping back drop on Thursday morning. It was a wonderful surprise after arriving after dark (after watching the sunset at the Grand Canyon).
Last time Josh and I wound our way down the curvy road into Sedona, I told him I wanted to camp here, so I was pretty stuck on making this happen. Doing so felt somewhat satisfying. Even funnier, to me, is that I ended up setting up my tent in the dark which was one of Josh’s camping rules.

1. No camping if we have to set up the tent in the dark
2. No camping if it is raining
   
   

Ironically we have done both. :) Which makes me laugh still. This time it was just dark - no rain but it was a bit chilly overnight, but the beauty of the stars and peacefulness of it all made it worth it still. 

The next morning, Josh's brother, Gabe and his wife Julie, who were in Phoenix for a conference made their way to Sedona for a hike. We soon found each other and set off on more explorations together. It was a joyful day of exploring and hanging out, conversations about Josh and by the time I got back to my hotel for the night, I completely crashed and basically slept for like 10 hours after watching the sunset from my hotel room window - glorious! I guess all the traveling, hiking and emotions of the day (or days) finally hit me and the dogs.

Another great highlight of this day was eating at a restaurant, The Mariposa Grill, that Josh and I stumbled on in Sedona. It’s one of my favorite memories from two summer's ago of us driving up in our very dirty car, full of all our stuff to valet park. We then ate the best meal looking like hobos as the sun set over the red cliffs. Humorously, this visit, I still didn't look great after camping overnight and hiking and new memories were made with my sister -in-law in the same location.

The memories both old and new are sweet and still bittersweet. I expect many of these memories and even new ventures will continue to feel the same. Day by day I continue forward knowing God's mercies surround me. Lamentations seems fitting: 

"The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." - Lamentations 3:22-23

The beauty of the sunset at the Grand Canyon can be a real tear-jerker on any day but especially in a season of loss. On the way, there happened to be a McAllister’s where I stopped to get a sweet tea in honor of Josh and I arrived 20 minutes before sunset. It was kind of a spontaneous detour on my way to Sedona and so worth it.

As the sky filled with shades or orange, blue and yellow, I thought how saying goodbye to this day also represented saying goodbye to Josh many days ago. I said to the sky, “goodnight my love” but don’t expect these words to be heard. These are more for me than him but they feel good still.

Josh and I visited the Grand Canyon a few times, with friends, just us, on mission trips. We once even woke early with our friends the Nelson’s and read God’s Word by sunrise. All of these memories fill my mind.

Each day my grief goes up and down, there are tears, smiles, laughter, sorrow and contentment. It really does feel like my traveling adventures going up and down hills and valleys. Sometimes these adventures are a welcome distraction, other times they remind me how much I miss Josh.

Through it all, God continues to provide hope and confidence for my own future as I ask for clarity in what is next on this journey. It’s not easy, and I will
keep saying this, it’s a process.

Today, this verse is echoing in my mind.

“For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God, you may receive what was promised.”
‭‭Hebrews‬ ‭10:36‬ ‭NASB‬‬

Sidebar: Saying things like “they are in a better place” to someone grieving doesn’t help. While there is truth in it, we still want them here with us, fully healthy. Another thing to say is “tell me what you miss most.”

So many thoughts today but the big one really was looking out over the area called Layers of Life at Rainbow Curve in Rocky Mountain National Park.

Each of our lives have layers of hills, valleys, beauty, heartache and details that we cannot even recognize. Seeing the spectacular view today reminded me of the many times I had been in this same park and various mountain top moments Josh and I have had literally and even figuratively.

I miss him being on this mountain top trip today. There are times on the drive that I still imagine him riding alongside me. It’s nice to have pups on the drive but they aren’t quite as impressed by changes in scenery or as talkative.

All my scenic detours, while worth it, made for a long day, and a late night arrival at my KOA cabin in Douglas, Wyoming. Pulling up, I met some other campers and share a bit of my story which of course kind of caught them by surprise - especially since they are my age. It’s weird at times, that I can actually talk about Josh, and “what happened” in kind of reporter-like fashion. I, of course, have many emotions connected to our story but can temporarily take a break to share the info. I had arrived hoping to just go to bed but instead spent like 45 minute talking to strangers around a campfire. I guess that’s part of the adventure too.

My prayer tonight as I rest in this cozy cabin is that God will be seen in and through all of this - that people might even be drawn into his love in a bigger, brighter way - much like the bright moon shining over the Wyoming night sky.