"How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on, when in your heart, you begin to understand, there is no going back?"
I know a bit dramatic, right? For those who don’t already know, this is a quote from Frodo at the end of the Lord of the Rings series “Return of the King.” We love this trilogy and watch the extended cut versions of each movie every Christmas. We’ve been doing this since the first movie came out in December 2001.
The line above has been wafting through my mind this week when trying to "return to normal" which is not really possible. So instead we enter a new season of normal. Some things are comfortable and familiar like our home and own bed, instead of a hotel or hospital room. For me (Jenn), it means returning to work and music classes – but still wondering how Josh is feeling when I am away from him. For Josh, this means resting a lot more and continuing a daily schedule of daily radiation therapy, chemotherapy pills along with other meds and doctor appointments as needed. It's relying on a lot of friends and family to help us out in new ways. And all of us trying to trust the process and God when we don't always feel like it.
To be honest, it all feels a bit fragile and subject to change at a moment’s notice. The treatments are not too hard on Josh and he feels okay most days but still very tired. What you don’t see behind the smiling photos is how hard Josh is working to do the basics. I could write a whole other post introducing “Josh, my husband with a brain tumor” and what this looks like to the outside world – I probably actually will (soon).
We’re hoping and praying that a lot what was “normal” for Josh will return. My biggest hope and prayer is that Josh can both think and communicate more clearly and that he will find hope and peace in the midst of treatment.
As we navigate all of this, we ask for your continued prayers, grace and patience as we walk day by day in this "new normal" that we find ourselves in.
I am still so thankful today and the wisdom and strength that God provides. It is in HIS strength that we continue day by day.
If you are curious, Josh is doing basically a minute of radiation therapy every day, Mon. - Fri., along with a good dose of Temador (chemo pill), steroids and a new medicine called Avastin to help with swelling.
We had a good week as I celebrated my graduation, we spent time with friends and family and even celebrated my cousin Adam's graduation and soon send off to Army boot camp. There were tiny moments when things felt pretty normal and even even joyful. We love our friends and family!
In April of 2019, we learned that Josh had a large brain tumor, a glioblastoma, in the middle of his brain. At the age of 41, this was quite the surprise. Josh sadly passed away after a short battle on September 30, 2019.
View his obituary
These past months, we've navigated the complexities of treatment, and hospice care and learned that there wasn't really treatment and that in Josh's case, the tumor was inoperable.
We're sharing our hearts and experience as we navigate this unexpected turn and God's goodness in the middle of it. We hope to encourage others by sharing our story.
Thank you for following along with our journey even in grief.
Feel free to message us.
If you'd like to donate to medical expenses, here's a link or you can email us questions
More about Josh & Jenn
Jenn Brown is the author of this site, a loving wife and communications guru.
Josh Brown most recently served on staff at Fellowship Bible Church in NWA as a Springdale Community Pastor. We've served in ministry in Missouri, Texas, Virginia and Nevada.
Cancer has been big part of our story. Josh has battled cancer three times already with the first to being non-Hodgkins lymphoma at ages 15 and 25 and the third thyroid cancer last year and a GBM, brain tumor this year.
Jenn's mom, Carol passed away from breast cancer 21 years ago and her father also went through treatments for Chronic Leukemia (CLL) in 2017 and is doing well now.
Friends & Family
We have been so encouraged by friends and family. Thank you for the practical ways you are caring for us! We love you all! This is just few photo highlights of some meaningful moments.