Last night I sat outside for a few moments, tilted my head back, looked up at the sky and saw a simple twinkly smile – two dots for eyes and a mouth made up of about six. I couldn’t help but smile as I thought, “It’s like God is smiling down at me. Of course, I then tried to figure out what the constellation might be on my star app, and it said it was a Swan, with one eye potentially being Vega. I opted, not to obsess more and decided to stick with a simple smile.
Words to the old hymn, “His Eye Is on the Sparrow” crossed my mind and I sang a few lines:
I sing because I'm happy
I sing because I'm free
His eye is on the sparrow
And I know he watches me
There's comfort in knowing God sees us, that “God’s got you” or “God’s gotchu,” like a sneeze (seriously, try saying it like a sneeze, it'll make you smile). Even in the unknown, it’s beautiful to rest in that knowledge that God sees all things big and small, including our joys and sorrows (big and small).
Often, I look up at the stars and wonder what God is doing. I wonder why our story is unfolding like this. Many of these questions may have to float into the infinite abyss because God’s plan is bigger than the stars in the sky and greater than my comprehension.
Psalm 147: 3-5 speaks of this:
He heals the brokenhearted
And binds up their wounds.
He counts the number of the stars;
He gives names to all of them.
Great is our Lord and abundant in strength;
His understanding is infinite.
This is incredible news for all of us. And while believing and trusting in a God that is SO big is fantastic, it sometimes is hard, especially when our view of the overarching story is so small.
I returned to the porch again tonight, expecting to see clouds but when I looked up, I saw that the smile was still there. I couldn’t help but smile again, “Thank you, God!”
Instead of wrestling with my many questions tonight, I took a deep breath and sang the words to another song I know well.
God, I look to You,
I won't be overwhelmed
Give me vision to see things like You do
God I look to You,
You're where my help comes from
Give me wisdom,
You know just what to do
And I will love You, Lord, my strength
I will love You, Lord, my shield
I will love You, Lord, my rock forever
All my days I will love You, God
Years ago, before we were married, Josh bought me a star as a gift. I have no idea if this is a real thing but supposedly according to my official certificate there is a star named Jenbug out there somewhere.
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In April of 2019, we learned that Josh had a large brain tumor, a glioblastoma, in the middle of his brain. At the age of 41, this was quite the surprise. Josh sadly passed away after a short battle on September 30, 2019.
View his obituary
These past months, we've navigated the complexities of treatment, and hospice care and learned that there wasn't really treatment and that in Josh's case, the tumor was inoperable.
We're sharing our hearts and experience as we navigate this unexpected turn and God's goodness in the middle of it. We hope to encourage others by sharing our story.
Thank you for following along with our journey even in grief.
Feel free to message us.
If you'd like to donate to medical expenses, here's a link or you can email us questions
More about Josh & Jenn
Jenn Brown is the author of this site, a loving wife and communications guru.
Josh Brown most recently served on staff at Fellowship Bible Church in NWA as a Springdale Community Pastor. We've served in ministry in Missouri, Texas, Virginia and Nevada.
Cancer has been big part of our story. Josh has battled cancer three times already with the first to being non-Hodgkins lymphoma at ages 15 and 25 and the third thyroid cancer last year and a GBM, brain tumor this year.
Jenn's mom, Carol passed away from breast cancer 21 years ago and her father also went through treatments for Chronic Leukemia (CLL) in 2017 and is doing well now.
Friends & Family
We have been so encouraged by friends and family. Thank you for the practical ways you are caring for us! We love you all! This is just few photo highlights of some meaningful moments.