Hugging in a hospital bed isn’t quite the same as regular hugs, but it is something. And it is special. As I rest my head on Josh's chest, his arm comes around me and squeezes as tight as he can. My heart swells. I breathe deep. And, of course, my eyes leak.
Today is our fourth day in the hospital, on our second trip in the past two weeks. Time is a blur. The words to the old song “Fly Like an Eagle” come to mind, “Time keeps on slippin’, slippin’, slippin’ into the future.” Time seems to be moving oddly quick, even in this.
As we sit in this moment, we’re navigating some really hard conversations as a couple and as a family. We’ve talked more with our doctors about the current plan and whether it is working and how to best solve the continual challenges we are facing.
What we know right now is that It appears the radiation and chemotherapy pills may have stopped the growth of the tumor but are not doing much more. In fact, staying on chemo pills has seemed to cause more problems, making it so we are continually battling sidebar issues that are really life-threatening in other ways. Things like dropping platelet levels, bleeding, blood clots, pneumonia, etc. are a terrible mix on top of the primary issue of brain cancer.
Ugh . . . Yeah . . . So what do we do?
Continue to pray for a miracle? Of course.
Trust in an Ultimate Healer? Yes
Cry a bit? (or a lot) You bet.
We also begin to talk about how to make the best of the worst situation. Again a LOTR quote comes to mind (I just can't help the inner geek).
“‘I wish it need not have happened in my time,’ said Frodo (when talking about the ring and hard battles).
‘So do I,’ said Gandalf, ‘and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.’”
That’s where we are.
We currently don't have an answer to the pressing question many are thinking and wondering, “What are you doing?” We are right in the thick of that process, praying, discussing and trying to decide what is the best next step to take.
We need your prayers.
As move forward – without doubt that God can do more but still with hurting hearts – we continue to trust and know that God's story is much bigger than ours.
We know He is with us as we linger in the comfort of His embrace.
Thanks as always for your love, encouragement and support.
God of Comfort
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as we share abundantly in Christ's sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too.
– 2 Corinthians 1:3-5
In April of 2019, we learned that Josh had a large brain tumor, a glioblastoma, in the middle of his brain. At the age of 41, this was quite the surprise. Josh sadly passed away after a short battle on September 30, 2019.
View his obituary
These past months, we've navigated the complexities of treatment, and hospice care and learned that there wasn't really treatment and that in Josh's case, the tumor was inoperable.
We're sharing our hearts and experience as we navigate this unexpected turn and God's goodness in the middle of it. We hope to encourage others by sharing our story.
Thank you for following along with our journey even in grief.
Feel free to message us.
If you'd like to donate to medical expenses, here's a link or you can email us questions
More about Josh & Jenn
Jenn Brown is the author of this site, a loving wife and communications guru.
Josh Brown most recently served on staff at Fellowship Bible Church in NWA as a Springdale Community Pastor. We've served in ministry in Missouri, Texas, Virginia and Nevada.
Cancer has been big part of our story. Josh has battled cancer three times already with the first to being non-Hodgkins lymphoma at ages 15 and 25 and the third thyroid cancer last year and a GBM, brain tumor this year.
Jenn's mom, Carol passed away from breast cancer 21 years ago and her father also went through treatments for Chronic Leukemia (CLL) in 2017 and is doing well now.
Friends & Family
We have been so encouraged by friends and family. Thank you for the practical ways you are caring for us! We love you all! This is just few photo highlights of some meaningful moments.