Here we are sitting outside the doc's office waiting to do our second IVF procedure.
I have so much nervous and excited energy I don't know what to do. It kind of feels like the doctor's office is tricking us by making us wait in the outside lobby because they are still having a staff meeting.
In just a few minutes we should learn what we have to work with and how many of those cool Brown eggs will be moving along in this process.
Today is the day. A big day!
How exciting this Easter seems! Filled with the typical hope and joy of our faith in Christ mixed with a new hope and excitement of what is happening with our family.
It is officially April 2. Today we will have our first IVF procedure -- the retrival. As we try to go to sleep my mind is spinning. It is really time to do this! Are we really doing this!
There is fear and worry that this won't work mixed with excitement that it will. This blended with a general nervous feeling and tense insides makes for a big bundle of "ahhhhhhhhh"!!
I can't deny the interesting timing with Easter coming up in three days and all that this means personally on multiple levels. It is fun to make jokes about finding "easter eggs" although a little inappropriate. It is also interesting to know that we are hoping new life will come during such a symbolic and memoriable week.
Wow! Here we go! The Brown Adventure going full speed down the slope. Today!
Our prayer tonight/this morning:
Lord be with us as only you can. Be our hope! Be our protector.
We got all our test back today and learned that all the levels are scans are looking good. Tonight was called the trigger day meaning I took a shot and told my ovaries that it was time to let go and prepare for procedure number 1. This officially means we are on the clock and in 36 hours we will do the retrieval.
It is still amazing how all these details fit together so precisely. We are a mixture of nervous and excited. I am hopeful that when the surgery for retrival bappens that they will actually have items to retrieve.
Either way, in less than a day it is go time! Please pray for us as this is quite a big leap into unknown territory! Yikes!
We continue our journey this week getting a little closer to our official first procedure. Still in the midst of details, we are now using that box of medications that I posted a picture of last time.
If you've ever ridden a roller coaster, you know the feeling. The suspense of the track as the coaster angles a little more and you begin to climb up one rung at a time.
Click . . . Click . . . Click . . .
That is how we feel this week. On Monday, we headed back to the doctor's office for our first "official appointment" in this round of treatment. We spent time going through the giant box of prescriptions and medications we had received in the mail a few days before (a.k.a our "let's get this party started box").
We were given consent forms to sign as if to ask, "Are we sure we want to do this?" We talked about what will happen for the next 10 days ONLY and were told we will find out more to dos, next week – the whole process is very precise.
It feels good to be moving forward. Honestly not much has changed, physically all the current medications are helping us be healthier and on the right schedule, and be more prepared for the next steps.
Click . . . Click . . . Click . . .
The excitement and fear is still in equal balance. In the midst of this tension is so much encouragement. Daily someone joins our story --- sharing bits of encouragement in various ways. The depth of gratitude cannot be fully explained. The words of encouragement, prayers for our process, notes of support, and unexpected stories we have discovered about friends and family are helping us walk through this process with a little more confidence.
Someone asked today if I we created the blog for accountability. My answer was, "No. It really is to simply share our story so other people walking through a similar season (or wanting to understand our story more) will find encouragement."
We shouldn't be afraid to share the fact that individuals and couples struggle with the topic of fertility and the hopes of having children. It is complex, emotional, and even weird. Our continued hope in sharing our story is that others walking through whatever portion of this process they are in will be encouraged to keep hoping, trusting and walking in faith with each decision, procedure, and curiosity.
Click . . . Click . . . Click . . .
Most of the blogs on this page are about our general adventures as a couple and family. These could be random thoughts or a highlight of what God is doing currently. If you want to know more about our Fertility adventures, check out our Hopeful Hearts blog for more specific details about that journey.
It's true I love the hymns. I love playing them on the piano, singing them, hearing them, etc. Yes, I do enjoy new praise and worship music but am continually surprised by the development of lyrics of these "older" songs.
A few weeks ago, I was reading one of my most favorite devotionals of all time, Amazing Grace: 366 Inspiring Hymn Stories for Daily Devotions and was caught by surprise by a story tragic yet beautiful story about the life and legacy of Philip Bliss, author of the hymn "My Redeemer"
On December 28, 1876, the song's author (and wife) died at the age of 38 in a train wreck. Bliss and his wife were traveling from Rome, Pennsylvania to Chicago when the railroad bridge near Ashtabula, Ohio collapsed, sending all the carriages 60 ft below into the ravine. Bliss escaped from the wreck, but when the carriages caught fire and Bliss returned to try to extricate his wife. No trace of either body was discovered. Ninety-two of the 160 passengers are believed to have died in what became known as the Ashtabula River Railroad Disaster.
However, even in this tragedy an amazing testimony of God's love was discovered inside Bliss' trunk — a manuscript that included the lyrics of the only well-known hymn, "I Will Sing of My Redeemer." (see the full lyrics below)
As I read this surprising story about a song I have sang many times, I was awestruck and convicted. To think these lyrics were some of the last Bliss penned, maybe a tune was developing in his mind as the train crashed. No music was found with the lyrics, but another musician brought the words to life by writing a fitting melody. Bliss' words and a testimony of such wonderful love have since echoed through the halls of churches of all shapes an sizes. (A fun side note: this song is thought to be one of the first hymns recorded on the phonograph.)
What really captivates my heart is knowing that these were the final words Bliss "worked out" before heading to see his Creator and God who inspired the young author. In contrast, I wonder, what will be my last words. Maybe they won't echo through time as an amazing hymn or praise song, but hopefully they will honor my God and Savior who has walked with me through various seasons of life. For I have many reasons to sing and many more praises to be "jotted down" while here on this Earth.
I will sing of my Redeemer,
And His wondrous love to me;
On the cruel cross He suffered,
From the curse to set me free.
Sing, oh sing, of my Redeemer,
With His blood, He purchased me.
On the cross, He sealed my pardon,
Paid the debt, and made me free.
I will tell the wondrous story,
How my lost estate to save,
In His boundless love and mercy,
He the ransom freely gave.
I will praise my dear Redeemer,
His triumphant power I’ll tell,
How the victory He giveth
Over sin, and death, and hell.
I will sing of my Redeemer,
And His heav’nly love to me;
He from death to life hath brought me,
Son of God with Him to be.
We moved to Nevada in February of 2013 filled with eager expectation of what God had in store for us! In all honesty, we didn't know what to expect but moved forward in trust. When it came to personal family expectations, we thought maybe we'd see our family grow via adoption in some way and assumed we'd find new friends and explore "the west" Josh and Jenn style (which of course we have done a little).
What we NEVER expected was that we would have a 7th grader move in with us only seven months into this new season! But guess what, that just happened! (Seriously, it literally just happened one month ago) Talk about insta-parenting! WOW!
On Sept 28, Adam, Jenn's second cousin, officially became part of the Brown family culture. He is currently planning to stay with us for the school year, and has made quite the transition himself, coming from Missouri with the encouragement of his mom, grandparents, and us.
One month in, we are still filled with hopeful expectations of what this will mean for Adam (and us) both short term and long term. With the introduction of this new family character (and storyline), I'm even more fascinated by the term expectation.
Josh and I have had many expectations through the years, some have worked out but many haven't (or haven't yet). But what we have discovered in the process, is that it's fun to be surprised by God. It is these moments and challenges that strengthen my core (just like all those sit ups in aerobics classes, which I actually hate!).
When it comes down to it, we all have expectations. Expectations of what our marriage will look like, how our kids will act, what our family will do, etc. While we like to say without expectation, "it's all in God's hands," most of the time we still have a picture of what will happen or have high hopes for something specific to come true. With so many things going differently than I imagined to this point in life, my expectations are starting to look less like specific things to be accomplished but more like a baseline expectation of being surprised by what God has next. I'm find more and more, that I simply expect God to do something interesting!
It's true, surprises and even unfulfilled expectations are challenging -- they often rock us to our knees and require us to lean in a little deeper into this life of faith. What I truly love, is that when we are forced to really trust God we are able to grab hold and cling to the hope that our gracious, loving God has this all figured out. We just have to keep moving forward, day by day, faith step by faith step.
As the Brown house fully embraces the unexpected surprise of our current reality, we are praying a lot and breathing deeply! We have many unanswered questions, and sometimes forget to breath. For this week, we are learning that it is tricky to balancing grace, love, and discipline. And I often wonder if this is how God feels about us.
About the Writers
Typically posts on this page are written by Jennifer Brown and often include fun stories about Josh as well. Occasionally, Josh might post too (when he feels daring!)