It is hard to maintain composer in the midst of waiting at times. Yesterday, I had my blood test and found when the phone rang in the afternoon with my doctor's number that my heart was racing. Even after I heard the news, that the results weren't in yet I had a hard time calming down.
So in the next 24 hours we expect to get the results of our blood test (that I will take tomorrow). Yikes!
These past couple weeks after the IUI have moved slow! Even so, I have to say I don't feel any excitement or have any indications that the results will be positive. While I want to have hope and be excited at the potential, I am still skeptical. Maybe this is just my mind and heart's way of trying to protect by expecting a no. The thoughts adrift in my mind say that we've been down this road so often that it seems impossible.
In my faith however,, I hold to verses like, "Nothing is impossible with God." Yet even with this belief and knowledge in my back pocket, I still have reservations.
Tonight my prayer is two-fold. 1) That I will hold on to hope. 2) That I will hold all of this with an open hand and not become resentful whatever the outcome.
Who knows what will happen. Either way my God is faithful and has a plan. Today and tomorrow are big steps of faith once again.
Today we headed to the doc once again this time to do an IUI procedure. A completely different procedure that we, of course, still hope results in Baby Brown.
This occassion kind of snuck up on us - even though I realize it doesnt seem like sneaking as it has been about four months since our last IVF event.
Anyway, it still seemed quick. Now we sit in the waiting window to see if this works. This process was similar yet still unique and different than when we tried this in Dallas. Each office has different strategies. The biggest challenge in it all is the folks saying, just relax...
Today was another exercise of trust mixed with a different set of feelings coming from both Josh and myself -mostly awkward. We wanted the IVF to work so much and are still recovering from that unfullfilled hope and in the midst of that we move forward to a new hope (I keep hearing Star Wars music here).
Lord guide our hearts and help us cling to your hope.
About the Writers
Typically posts on this page are written by Jennifer Brown and often include fun stories about Josh as well. Occasionally, Josh might post too (when he feels daring!)