Today, I started my morning with a brisk walk with Arkie & Aspen around the Republic ballpark. The main road, Miller Road, is the same one my mom grew up on, where my parents met, where I played ball as a kid and spent time at my grandpa Reese's house down the road - often exploring the land with my cousins. I remember walking around this exact area when I was much younger after a big tornado hit destroying many homes. I can recall seeing stuffed animals stuck on fences and debris everywhere. It was maybe the first time I really remember seeing the impact of a big storm.
As I walked around enjoying the sunrise, recalling so much, my heart felt stretched. Mixed in my most recent grief for Josh are other ones. These feel like echoes as I miss the people who are part of these memories too. If you don’t know already, my mom, brother and grandfather (on my dad's side) have all passed away. They each are part of these memories.
Losing my mom at age 21 after her battle with breast cancer has always hit deep. It has been one that also challenged my faith - one that so many people also prayed for a different ending, and it is the one this morning that caused the tears to rise up. My mom and I had many great moments together walking, talking and sharing and this location is one more reflection of our relationship growing up. In this morning moment, my current reality, including memories of Josh and my mom all mix together and I can't help but wonder what their reunion in Heaven might look like today.
There are many things I wonder . . . so I suppose for now I'll just say to be continued . . .
Hi! It's Jenn Brown, writing my story that is now slightly different as we enter a season of new grief. On September 30, 2019, my dear husband Josh passed away after battling brain cancer.