Strangely, I didn’t want to leave Dinosaur NP. The beauty and serenity of the place was so perfect. Around every corner, a new discovery which fits right into this season of my life. In this ever changing season, I am exploring new angles of grief. During my short 2.5 days at the park, I felt like I really rested in God’s beauty and even grandness. There was one moment when I thought, maybe I should move here. (Probably not a good idea.)
I recently looked up what the word “grief” meant, it is listed as “deep sorrow, especially caused by someone's death.” However, this definition seems too simple. Yes, there is deep sorrow because Josh isn’t here but there is so much more to grieve - things like not having someone to care for as a caregiver, having to use me instead of we, and no longer being a pastor’s wife which is its own unique role. These unique roles can extend to so many friends and family I know too compounding the grief.
One of the biggest pieces I will miss is being able to tell a story together of our adventures. Coming back from travels would weave our stories of adventure in such great harmony - now it is a solo much of the time.
Alas, I continue on, or grieve on, in my story in a new unexpected way. There is much challenge in it but joy still to be uncovered. Much like the wall of bones at DNP, I will continue to excavate.
Hi! It's Jenn Brown, writing my story that is now slightly different as we enter a season of new grief. On September 30, 2019, my dear husband Josh passed away after battling brain cancer.