Today began again with a few tears as I woke up thinking about Saturday's services. Soon a few text messages from friends tricked in bringing more tears as I read encouraging messages from people who attended other services held in Arkansas and Virginia in honor of Josh.
I love hearing new stories about the impact Josh had on people's lives. How he encouraged them with a friendly smile or conversation and more. It's beautiful and hard to know that he left such a legacy. I can only hope to make a similar impact. I can't fill his shoes, even though I am part of him in so many ways, but hope to be a little bit of a bridge or reflection of this same character.
The day continued with a little bit of hibernating, watching light-hearted movies and eating way too many pumpkin cookies. A friend asked me to go with her for a pedicure which I was a bit reluctant to do because of the silliest reason - my current nail color was the last one Josh saw. Now truly, that is a weird reason to not get a pedicure but the debate echoed in my mind for several hours. I opted to move forward and do it - even if it felt weird. Ultimately, it was a wonderful time of fellowship and now I have extra cute toes with a moon and stars design which is so perfect for this new chapter.
Generally today, I felt almost like I was in a weird state of shock - like really none of this is really happening. I'm just on vacation and Josh is back in Arkansas. I know this isn't true but my mind and heart are trying to bargain/deny my way out of this current reality. This is part of the process too.
Each day is new. Each day is different.
Hi! It's Jenn Brown, writing my story that is now slightly different as we enter a season of new grief. On September 30, 2019, my dear husband Josh passed away after battling brain cancer.