It's been a great weekend, filled with a house purchase, college basketball and good God convos.
This morning as I reflected on it all, I realized how much I wanted to share ALL the details of Friday's house buying experience with Josh. While I can't tell him in person, I realized I could write him a letter. Maybe it's silly, maybe not, but I did it. And it was freeing and refreshing.
The letter simply began with our common greeting, "Friend!"
I shared the many details of February 14, 2020. About buying a house at 8 a.m., and having people visit all day from 1 to 7 p.m., as part of my empty-house, open-house party. I wrote about the silly stories, house surprises, kid adventures and more.
The first day in my little red house was one filled with new memories that will be treasured for years to come. At one point, the kids outnumbered the adults. It was great. I even told my friends that I loved hearing the laughter and craziness as their kids explored the new space and exuberantly played hide-n-seek and wrestled in the back bedroom.
It was an honor to once again stand with friends on a BIG day. (We mostly stood because I only had 2 lawn chairs and stool for seating - ha). I never take for granted the group of people who have surrounded me so much this past year. Many of them were at my new home on Valentine's Day.
For the first time in a while, I actually didn't feel sad. Instead, I dreamed and discussed how to fix up the place - in Jenn's style! (BTW, I'm gladly taking recommendations for people who enjoy remodeling kitchens and baths.)
Reflecting on Valentine's a couple days later, I wondered how life would be different if Josh were still here? Where would we be living? Would we be changing things up? No matter the answer, we probably wouldn't have bought this particular house. But because Josh isn't here, I am - or rather I did!
It's a real weird mix of emotions, being able to see and feel the joy in this new venture yet also acknowledging the heartache and sorrow that put me in this place of new decision making.
Writing out every little detail in my letter to Josh today gave me a place to embrace my reality a bit more. Along with highlights, I also wrote about some of my other favorite Valentine's memories over the years. Of course, tears landed on the pages as I wrote the simplest of words in closing.
I love you. I miss you.
It's true every day – even on joyous, beautiful, treasured days.
For me writing a letter to my loved one, at the close of Valentine's Day weekend was and is a step toward mending this broken heart just a tiny bit more.
A few photos from the open house fun and the house staged. Many more remodel photos to come. :)
Hi! It's Jenn Brown, writing my story that is now slightly different as we enter a season of new grief. On September 30, 2019, my dear husband Josh passed away after battling brain cancer.